Dear Mr. Bank Man

Use the following template when you want to get a very large mortgage to buy a home at the same time that you plan to cut back to nearly no income and pursue a full-time graduate degree. Feel free to change the information in brackets to suit your situation.


Dear Mister Bank Man,

I would like to buy a house in [Calgary] so I can live in it with my [wife] and my [baby boy]. Actually, I already bought the house. This is where you come in.

This house costs a lot of money -- more money than I have saved up, even if I include the change in my drawer at work and the bit in the cupholder in our car. I will give some money, but I would really like you to give me the rest -- almost [five] times as much as we could earn in a year.

I would like you to do this even though I am going to move away from my job in [Ottawa] to go to a really big school in [Calgary]. I know I won't make very much money while I am busy going to classes, but I think I have a really nice [personality] and a fantastic [blog], so this is still a very good move on your part. I promise.

If you're not too busy, I would also like a pony.

Sincerely,
[D from Our Sesame Seed]


I can't guarantee the results of using this method, but I seem to have been successful with it this afternoon, so perhaps it is worth a try -- if you find yourself in such circumstances.

I also have a similar letter if you want to get insurance for your surprisingly large moving truck. It is entitled "Dear Mrs. Insurance Lady" and has recently proved equally successful. On first attempt, it yielded a quote of $4000/6 months, but a revised approach brought back a more appealing price of $1000/year.