Girls Night Out

I recently stumbled upon a posting by a mother of 5 years who has NEVER spent a night away from her kids. It was clear that she resented (if only mildly) that her husband had the occasional time alone, either relaxing in front of a football game or when she would go visit family with the kids.

I thought this was instructive. There are lessons here for everyone. Pick your favourite.

The blogger then solicited comments from her readers on how to get "a day off." One of the respondents gave several suggestions, including "I try to organize women-only game nights at my home every few months." Ah yes, the infamous "girls night". Our narrow demographic loves these nights. For most of our 6 years of marriage, we have been part of what might be called a "lost demographic" -- the Married No Kids (MNK?) demographic. Let me explain what I mean.

When you were single, you probably noticed how your friends -- whoosh! -- dropped off the face of the earth when they got married (or engaged, for that matter). Then you yourself got married, and you got to hang out with your now-married friends again ("hanging out" being defined as dinner parties). But as soon as your friends had babies -- whoosh! -- they were gone again, only to resurface at "girls only" and "guys only" nights.

As I see it, parents like these because:
1. Get some "me" time away from the kids
2. Free babysitting -- thanks to the spouse
3. Chance to spend time with people who have similar interests (ie: same gender)

We don't have any kids, so #1 and #2 aren't such an issue. Therefore, one person just gets to cool his/her heels at home while the other goes out. I am better at cooling my heels than R, because I am joined to my computer at the hip. If R had her druthers, she'd just go see her sister or her mom, but she can't, because I dragged her to the opposite end of the country when I got this job. The long and short: the MNK Demographic doesn't benefit from #1 (or #2).

Through first hand experience, R has noticed that "Girls only" is frequently short for "Girls only talk about pregancy, babies and all associated biological conditions." For the first hour this is merely awkward, because you can only relate inasfar as their childrearing experiences coincide with your brief stint caring for a hamster when you were eight. Then they notice you haven't said anything and ask when you are planning on having kids. That's when you Rub the Buddha. This can backfire, however, and you can spend the entire evening discussing your biological functions instead of theirs.

I have concluded that "Guys only" is generally short for "Stuff that interests Guys only, period." Guys want to go watch action movies and play games. These are things that I enjoy, but it's hard to justify leaving my wife at home for the evening if there was something we could have done together. We, like most couples, have enough shared interests that we can find a way to spend the evening together that is mutually enjoyable, so we usually end up opting out of the "only" nights. There goes benefit #3.

I imagine our little social inconveniences are insignificant when placed before the mammoth task of rearing small children. A harried mother of 3 toddlers would probably tell me, "I dare you to swap places with me, pal. You'd be calling for a 'guys night' before week's end, guaranteed." Probably, but these are my observations, and they have been given free of charge.

How will all of this change for us in May 2007? That's a really good question. Most likely, there will be a loud "whoosh", followed by five years of silence.